31. Audacity to Choose Possibility: What's Next When You Show Up for Your Own Life

How do do consider choices? Is it one or the other or possibility? Integration can include more than one choice.

Do you have the audacity to ask what's next, when you show up for your own life fully as yourself? Your life is like a mirror that reflects back. It is neutral, simply reflecting back what is in front of it. 

What version of yourself is making the big decisions right now? Shedding layers, patterns and conditioning can bring clarity. The next best step is often support from someone that can guide you because they are on the other side of what you are facing. Do you surround yourself with women that see possibility?

The comment from a listener that said a recent interview episode of mine that I was a guest, on "spoke to her soul". 

If you are ready to take the next step, reaching out to me is that next step.

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Transcript

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Sarah Swift 0:15

Welcome to the Integrative Mother Experience Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Swift. I've been married to my husband for 28 years, and we are raising three children. As a business owner since my early 20s, I am here having conversations about mamas wearing multiple hats, feeling like they need to choose between their work and their family because there isn't enough time for both. Time is an asset that we can't get back. It's the quality that matters. I can't wait for you to join me. Welcome back, mamas. Last week we talked about patterns, and if we take the time and really look at the patterns in our lives, we can see what they are, and that is when we can actually make a change. This week we are moving on to something that builds upon what we talked about last week. Today we are going to be talking about the audacity to ask what's next when you show up for your own life fully as yourself. Yes, it's a big ask. And I think we all have that desire in us, but some people are able to do it, and some people are hiding, and feeling shame, and feeling like they're going to disappoint others. So when we step into that next version of ourselves and we become a little uncomfortable, we will have feelings of, "This is not familiar. This does not feel safe." But what we're really talking about today is beyond looking at the patterns that we talked about last week and what you can do to start stepping into a new pattern and making better choices if there's patterns that you don't want to continue. The next thing is, by looking at your life as a mirror, you can see how everything that you're looking at is a reflection of choices and things that have happened, and the choices that you make when they happen, and how you try to control things or allow things to unfold, trust or fear, and it's all about contrast. So when we go into this conversation about contrast, I'm going to ask what version of you is making the decisions now? And is that version people-pleasing, making decisions out of fear? Which by the way, fear is not from God. There is not a spirit of fear from the Lord. So if that resonates with you, then where are you making your decisions from? Are they coming from alignment? Are they coming from a feeling of freedom that you do get to choose, that you can dream again? Maybe that little girl version of you that was able to play and dream and really voice what she wanted and not worry about what others might think. Is it coming from the version of you that allows herself to evolve, that knows that there's so many possibilities, that God wants this for us, to explore new possibilities? That is where we find the contrast. And I, I love the saying because it really resonates with me, "It's not you, it's me." And I think we've seen that in so many movies where, you know, there's a breakup of a relationship. But we can really use that sentence in a lot of different ways. And I like to even think about it like this: there is a part of me that holds back from what I really know is true for me and what's really aligned. And when you think about, "It's not you, it's me", it really is true. It's, it's not what somebody else thinks about me or what they think I should do. It's me taking that perception or those raised eyebrows or the comments that might come from those people of judgment and not understanding, and it's all a mirror anyway. Because in the end, if you're living the life truly aligned to what is meant for you and your what's next, then it really doesn't matter. You're empowering the people around you to do the same. And that contrast can be a really good thing because we're not all meant to be in the same box. We're all meant here to do our own thing, and that would be a very boring world if we were all doing the same exact thing. So can both be true, is the question that I'm going to ask. Because if fear no longer runs the show, and you're not controlling, and you're also letting others know that their raised eyebrows, their comments, their whatever is not going to control you anymore, then you really have possibilities that can be whatever you want them to be by trying. And maybe things won't work out exactly as you planned, and that's part of the journey. It's not just the end destination. It's constant evolving. And my big takeaway this week was, can both be true? I want both, so yes and. And it's so interesting because I've had this pull for so long of wanting more simplicity and wanting there to be this big decision of one or the other. And- Back to the whole concept of integrating, which is what I'm asking you to think about in your life as a mother and a business owner, this can also be true in other decisions. And I realized for myself that in the decision that I felt like I needed to make and choose between, that I can have both. It doesn't need to be one or the other. It just has to have a little bit of possibility along with it, and there can be a lot of different outcomes. And that feels really good to me. It feels like freedom, and it feels like, yes, both can be true. And when you think about contrast, you think about an artist and when they use shadows in their paintings and drawings, or cool and warm tones, light and dark. I think about this in my work of being a hairstylist, and specifically being a hair colorist. What is really beautiful to me is when there are shadows, cool and warm, light and dark. And even layers in a haircut can bring a beautiful contrast. In paint colors, if you've ever really looked at the way a home or a building is painted, and for that, lighting makes a huge difference, which brings contrast as well. And that can also be in makeup. I used to do makeup for weddings pretty much every weekend. I really enjoyed it. And I remember working on a lady that worked for QVC, and she came into our salon randomly, and I was asked to do her makeup by the staff because everybody was really intimidated. And I thought, "Why not? Sure, I'll do it." I, I love doing makeup, and I know what I'm doing, so she can guide me if she wants something different. And it went really, really well, she loved what I did, and I really enjoyed working with her. And it's the contrast of the shadows of the tones of the highlighter and the blush and the different shades of eyeshadow that really bring out features when you're doing makeup, and that's so fun. So when we have contrast, we can also allow others to be themselves, and we can enjoy the difference. And as a mother of three, I can tell you that all my children are very different, and I love the contrast. I've been a dog owner now of three dogs as well. All three of my dogs have been very different. And it's just beautiful. It really, it leads to so many possibilities. I had our group meeting of salon owners. We've all been part of a group now for several years, and we do travel together as well, but we meet periodically to go over our businesses. And this past weekend, it was just so beautiful because we push each other, and we know each other very well, both in our businesses and now in our personal lives. And they were reminding me of my resistance when they first met me because we were re- reminiscing of how far we've all come, both in big life decisions and in our businesses and where we're even going from here, and the tears that we've shed and the resistance. And they were reminding me of that first time how resistant I was to some of the big changes that I knew I desired, and I was afraid to make them because I didn't know how it would go. And when I really reflect back on the patterns of some of those big choices, it always works out, and it always has. When I made big moves from one salon to the next, it was always a good choice for usually several reasons, if not at least one or two reasons, even if it wasn't long-term where I was, aligned to be. And so when they were reminding me of what it was that they were pushing me to do and how well it actually worked for me, and don't get me wrong, you know, it was scary and not everybody liked it, but I loved it, and that's what mattered. It had to do with my life was so unaligned, and I had really lost control of life balance, physical, mental, the whole thing, and was also in a very bad financial situation because of all those decisions. And it's just so beautiful when you have people that know that there are more than one possibility to a situation, and they're not in a box, and that all of our businesses and lives look very different, and I love that. I love that about these women, that they can see possibilities. And all of them have had huge changes. One of them currently has really inspired me too because I've watched her journey over the last year, and she's really stepped away from her business behind the chair quite a bit for a variety of reasons, and she has this desire to explore something that she really enjoys, and she's done the work. She's really answered a lot of questions for herself, even when some of them created more of a no or a roadblock. She's good with it, and she pivots from there, and that's what it's all about. Because not everything we're going to explore is necessarily going to be the end-all be-all, but oftentimes what happens is it leads you to the next best step. So that just might be meeting a person that knows somebody or to the building that you're aligned to be in or the next career path that you might choose to step into or whatever it may be. It could be the home that you might be going to move to next. So knowing that there are possibilities, I think is a mindset that a lot of people don't even realize that they have the choice to make. And I've talked about this before too, how when I really made that decision, everything changed for me because then my decision was based on what was really important to me, and it didn't make it any less scary to make major changes. But I kept coming back to my why. Why am I doing this? And when you really ask yourself that, you come home to the real reason why you're making choices, and you can see very clearly when you've been making choices out of fear. And you don't even really know if you like something if you don't have the audacity to try it. So those are the people I like to surround myself with, are the people that aren't dabblers. They're trying things to see where it leads, but they're not dabbling. They are going all in and actually doing the thing, and then sometimes they pivot from there. That's what I'm inspired by, and that's where I've been really trying to live my life fully from that place. And it's so interesting because I had a very powerful, meeting today, if you will, in one of my groups, and my mentor was leading us, and she referred to those butterfly feelings of fear and how that's from our Creator. And I love that because it is very different from that feeling of I'm stuck fear that's not from God. And that stuck feeling that I'm not safe, and what will people think? And I can't do this because nobody else in my family has done this. I can't do this because nobody else in my mom group or whatever it may be, has done this, and p- what will people think? Well, those butterfly feelings from your Creator, where it's taking you to that next level, where it's that upper limit, if you think about Gay Hendricks and how you have that resistance, but you just know. It's a deep knowing, and it's a feeling that you just can't quite ignore. That's what I'm talking about. And I had such a great feedback comment from an interview podcast episode that I was on where the salon owner actually tagged me in a message saying that it spoke to her soul, what I was saying. And boy, that type of feedback coming back to me just made me feel like I'm actually creating the impact that I'm here to create because I'm really being vulnerable using myself as an example for a reason. Not look at me- Whether that's look at me as a victim or struggling, or look at me, I have it all figured out. It's come with me. Let me guide you. I've been down this road, and I'm on the other side of a huge transformation, and I have a lot of wisdom and experience in these areas that I can help you with. Not that I have it all figured out, because I believe personally that none of us have it figured out completely. Life is a journey, but I think I'm decades ahead of some of you that are struggling in the areas that I speak to. And it's interesting because the interview podcast episode I was on with Lisa Huff, Lisa talked about how she still loves that physical feeling of working behind the chair a few days a month for her because she's leading in a really big way with her group, and she loves that in-person contact of still having that, and that's the both I was talking about before, not choosing that you can have both. And I agree with that because I will be launching the episode where I interviewed Lisa on my podcast soon, and you can hear some of the exciting things that she's doing. She's actually adding more to her plate. She, just bought a salon, and she has a really unique point of view on that, which I love. And it's just this being open to all possibilities, that butterfly feeling of fear and I'm not stuck in what everybody else does, or what everybody else did, or what everybody else says I should do. So when we're saying yes, we're saying that we trust, that there's a certainty. God's got this. There's a reason I feel this way, and there's a reason that there's this inner knowing. And when we're staying small and we're not being authentic to what we're really here to do, then we self-abandon ourselves, and that's not from God. And one of my other mentors was really trying to help me get through this stuck feeling that I had of trying to choose, and everybody's leading me in the same direction. And so it's just big aha moments for me this week, and it just feels so beautiful. I'm so thankful for the people I surround myself with. And she was saying for herself that she built this podcast studio, and she has several very successful businesses already, but she felt called to do this thing, and she invested a lot of money. And it really wasn't that long ago, and then she found out that that building is now being torn down. So she was leasing a space, and they decided to pivot in a completely different way. But for her, it doesn't matter because she said the people that she met by opening up the studio for as long as it was actually open, which wasn't very long, she met all these incredible people, which led to all these incredible opportunities. And this is the example that I'm trying to say is, you never know what one possibility is going to lead to another if you open your vision to anything is possible. So she's thriving in a completely different way. And as far as brick and mortars go, I can relate to that because I also was leasing my space when I had my own salon that I invested so much into. And when I had the opportunity to leave for a variety of reasons to what felt like more possibility and more alignment for me, I was okay with it. It was an investment that was right at the time. And did I lose money? Yes, I did. But would I change it? Not necessarily, because it just gave me more insight on what I did and didn't want. And for me, I really discovered what I think I already knew. I wanted more freedom with my family and my hours, but I didn't necessarily want the responsibility of a building and the upkeep, and my husband isn't interested in that at all. So it didn't even make sense. And I want a beautiful space to work in, of course, but at the end of the day, I think we have to ask ourselves, "What are all the possibilities?" And when you try different things, then you can move on to the next, having learned a lesson and feeling like you're evolving to the next possibility. So the other mentor that I want to mention, that has a really great example also, my last example for you, is this mentor has been incredible and so very helpful. And she started out as a musician, and she landed a contract, and then it got canceled. And so from there, she actually pivoted into many other areas, and all very successful. But she continues to pivot and evolve, and it's so incredibly inspiring because the type of energy that she has is, "I'm going to try all these different things. Wherever life leads me, I'm going to follow those breadcrumbs and see who I meet and what happens next," with almost, like, an excitement. You can just feel her energy. It's just... It's light, and it's exciting, and it's full of possibility. And I love the fact that she had this big decision, because this is where I was again too with this decision of feeling things were too much. I did it again. I piled on way more than what feels good, and I want to be able to enjoy what's really important to me, and having too much on my plate doesn't feel good to me. And so she was giving us the example of her current decision, which was living in California or Florida. She's lived in both. She came from Florida. She moved to California. She moved back to Florida and now was desiring both. But she felt like she had to choose. And the beautiful ending to the story as of lately was she actually was offered the opportunity from a family, a very trustworthy family, to rent her house for a period of time every year for a phenomenal amount of money, and she could spend that amount of time in California, and so now she can have both. And that wasn't even a possibility on the table that she saw. It just happened because she was open to talking to people that brought up a possibility, and one decision led into another. So the takeaways are Life is a mirror, and whose life are you living in this version? Are you living the version of yourself from a year ago, two years ago, ten years ago? Or are you living the version of yourself in the life that you want to live right now and using the lessons from the past versions of you and making sure that those patterns don't repeat if they're patterns that aren't helping you be the best version of today? And also, are you choosing from fear or are you choosing from possibility? Have a blessed day, mamas. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please follow or subscribe to the Integrative Mother Experience on Spotify, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen. That way you're notified of the new episodes coming up. I also just want to let you know your feedback really matters to me. I have a message from Erin Havenhair that says an interview episode, spoke to her soul. This is so helpful. And if you are ready to dive deeper, join a community of other supportive moms, or you just want to dive right in and start the membership, and you're ready to actually take that next step, you can go to theintegrativemotherexperience.com today. You can message me on Instagram at timewithsarahswift. Have a blessed day.