The Integrative Mother Experience, it's always TIME to choose joy & fulfillment.
Overwhelmed Mama's wearing multiple hats running a business, serving others or both, especially in the beauty industry that feel like they have to choose their work before their own well-being and family.
Uncovering common causes of feeling like they are always missing out. How to use the #1 asset of time, which we can't get back to finally feel joy and fulfillment.
I am a mama of three teenagers, working in the beauty industry for well over three decades. I have owned several types of businesses starting in my early twenties. I made a decision that changed everything and created the beginning of a solid foundation built on spiritual guidance filling my cup to overflow in all areas of my life. The five intentional areas are in my course The Integrative Mother Experience.
The Integrative Mother Experience, it's always TIME to choose joy & fulfillment.
29. Releasing Shame: Give Yourself Permission to Want What You Really Desire
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Making room for new ideas and releasing the pressure from what is not yours takes courage. Shame blocks receiving. You decided to become an entrepreneur for a reason. Maybe you desired more freedom in your schedule or flexibility for your family. Comparing or trying to keep others small creates unalignment.
When you give yourself permission to want what you really desire, you show other people what is possible. We are all different and not here to do exactly the same thing, look the same, dress the same or be anything other than ourselves.
You can start today. Be kind to yourself, set your intention and take the bold action. If you want help, reach out to me today to get started.
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"If this helped you, comments are welcomed!"
Welcome to the Integrative Mother Experience Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Swift. I've been married to my husband for 28 years, and we are raising three children. As a business owner since my early 20s, I am here having conversations about mamas wearing multiple hats, feeling like they need to choose between their work and their family because there isn't enough time for both. Time is an asset that we can't get back. It's the quality that matters. I can't wait for you to join me Welcome back, beautiful mamas. Today's episode is about shame. Yes, that dirty word, shame. It actually brings kind of a negative feeling to my body even when I say it. But it is something that I want to dive into, and it is something that I think that everybody has experienced at some point or another. So I'm going to begin just talking about what we desire in life and why having the desires shouldn't be something that's necessarily shamed. And when I say shamed, if it's something that you asked for in prayer and you have faith that this is God's desire for you. Do you really need to keep apologizing for it? And when I say apologizing for it, what I mean by this is well-meaning people in your life and people that are not well-meaning, meaning they may be jealous or they may not want you to have something simply because they don't have it, and they have a feeling of scarcity, so therefore they feel like there's not enough to go around, may shame you if you are voicing that you have a desire or desires that they can't quite understand. And it becomes really interesting because people will end up in these repeat cycles of being stuck in self-sabotage and people-pleasing and not have the courage to get out there and do what it is that their soul is being called to do and what they desire. So when I think about this and I think about what it's like to be unapologetic for my desires, it really brings me to my original desire in life to have a loving relationship and have children and a family. And when I struggled to have this happen, I went through a lot of hardships and had to make a lot of shifts and changes, which took a lot of courage. But I really was stuck for a very long time because of the shame that I felt in really falling into my path and what was right for me, and that was the norm for people around me. And it's really interesting and it's also very sad because we don't all have the same calling. We're not all built the same way. We're not all meant to do the same things. And now that I'm on the other side and I can really see how this triggered some people in my life and in my business, I realize that people are always looking through the lens of how it relates to them. That's just human nature. And shaming other people is something that happens. And when we really think about it at that human level, it makes it a little easier to understand It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt if it's directed towards you, and especially if it's, you know, directly coming from somebody that you, you know, thought was a support system in your life or somebody that truly cared about you. But here nor there, we have to realize that when people are in scarcity mode and when there's patterns that keep getting repeated over and over in families, and they don't even really look at the entire picture of opportunities and different ideas, and especially being artistic. Artistic creation cannot come from force and overdoing and exhaustion. it's not in the flow. You're not going to be in a flow during the times that you feel exhausted or forced, or even when it doesn't feel like it's yours. And I think it's so interesting for children because when they want our attention, they're going to just get louder and louder until we hear them. And that's how our body works also. So if you ever get kind of annoyed with your mind chatter and this maybe pressure or feeling of, I want to do this," but you hear this voice in your head that says, "Well, that's not possible," or, "Well, my family didn't do that, so I shouldn't do it either." Or maybe it's even about, you know, where you live. I want to live somewhere different, but my family all lives here, and I don't want to leave them behind." The shame that comes in these decisions when it's really not about anybody else. It's really about the sole desire that God put on your heart and what you're here to do. And so I think about even opportunity costs. And when you are running a business, which all or most of you are, you have to have some cost put into that. So it's probably education to be able to perform the talent that you're performing, or maybe you just own the business and you're hiring talent. You have to have or maybe look at the business end of it, some kind of idea of how this is going to run. And so you're going to invest in the plumbing and the electric. And when I had a brick-and-mortar location, I invested way, way, way more than I ever thought I was going to, which is really common. And the return on that investment for me at the time was the freedom that I thought I was going to have versus what I had before. And it did create some freedom, but it also created other issues. And I wouldn't have done it any other way because I had to experience both. And in the end, interestingly enough, neither were my path. My path wasn't to be in a loud, tight space with a lot of energy around me constantly. And my true path wasn't also to be in a situation where I had such high overhead cost and didn't also didn't have somebody that owned the building maintaining it the way that it needed to be. So the return on my investment wasn't going to be what I would need to keep running a successful business. And so it moved me into a new direction, and I learned as I went, certainly. But also, I've learned that People don't like change, and I have found that shame has come from the idea that Moms should work, moms shouldn't work, and daycare or no daycare. And it's-- there's just unending back and forth, the yin and the yang, the black and the white. And if you're just going to follow the wind of the direction of conversation with who you're with, you're going to get different opinions. And so when I finally listened to my own desire and heard what it is that I knew all along, I knew for me it was integrating, that it wasn't one or the other for me. It was going to be both, but it was going to be my way. And my way meant that I was going to be an entrepreneur. And that means that there's a lot of roles, and there's a lot of hard decisions to make. And once I truly learned what it meant to be a true business owner where there's a profit, and I was also the talent in my business, so that means my inspiration and my energy and my physical breakdown that had been repeatedly happening had to be addressed. And that means that not everybody's going to be happy with these decisions. And sometimes when we're exhausted, we're just at the end of our rope, and we may not address everybody's questions or everybody's problems the way that they want us to. But in my case, I learned, and I'm so happy that I can pay that forward to any of you that are struggling with these issues. So if you're feeling shame and you're feeling pressure about really wanting to run your business the way that it works best for you and your health and your family, remember that you chose this for a reason, and there aren't a lot of traditional benefits that come along with being an entrepreneur, and you could truly be working twenty-four seven. And so you have to have some kind of standards set so that you are in the flow and able to serve others. And when you make a choice, this is what I stand for, and this is what I offer, it's such a beautiful thing because the people that are aligned to work with you are going to appreciate that, and they're going to understand, "Yes, I want to be in your space. I want you to take care of me. I want to have these deep, beautiful conversations," if that's part of your business. And on the flip side For me, my family is so important to me that I'm not willing to miss family dinners. I'm not willing to miss the games and the dance programs and all of the things. I want to be able to volunteer occasionally. And how does that look for me? It looks like I have two businesses, and I run the back end of my salon business from home, and then I am the talent in that business a few days a week. And I also run this business and give back with my free content on my podcast, and then in my community through my moms that really want to go deeper, and this is available. And I offer all of this, but I'm also a human being, and I also prioritize my health and my daily walks, my quiet time in the morning, and having fun on the weekends, and having family dinners at night. And that's the life that I'm creating for myself because this is my desire. And part of this I want to end with is setting an intention. So when we fully let go of the shame and we give ourselves permission to want what we want- Can you have the audacity to desire it? Can you let go of that little voice in the back of your head that might be whispering But you should do this," or, "How could you possibly charge that? Are you listening to the voices, or are you really seeing the possibility of what's in front of you and all of the people that are giving you positive feedback, that are enjoying the fact that you're giving fully from an overflowing cup? The last thing that you do with this would be to take the bold action And if you have trouble taking that bold action, I am available. I am available for one-on-one. My private mom's community is available right now. You can start working with me immediately. And if this is something that you think would help a friend, please feel free to share this episode. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please follow or subscribe to the Integrative Mother Experience. That way you won't miss out on future episodes. Feel free to share it with another mom if you think that it would be helpful. You can also start today by grabbing my free checklist or joining my free private Time Mama community, which is on my website, theintegrativemotherexperience.com. Scroll down, enter your name and email, and you will start receiving the information to start connecting with other moms. Follow me on Instagram. You can DM me there @timewithsarahswift. Have a joy-filled day.